what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
