wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
