my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
