um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
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