Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
