I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
