Midget sex pt 2 tonight
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
