How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
