just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
