you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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