last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
