Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
