I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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