morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
