I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
