Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
