y did u give ur computer a hand job?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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