if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
