Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
