my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I had to cum in my sink.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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