yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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