they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
