he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
there was a trapeze. enough said
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
