do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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