i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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