oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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