You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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