that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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