I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize