No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
