I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
