So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
