Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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