So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
