maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
