The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
