Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
