dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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