I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
