Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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