It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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