think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
