So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
