Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
