soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
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