oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
