im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
