I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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