What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize