I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
