I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
