he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
