i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
