Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize