Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
