ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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