How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
