i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
