Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
