let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
