i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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