Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
