is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
