do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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