you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
