highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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