I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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