Someone shit on the floor
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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