Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
